July 4th Weekend

Honey is in my shop right now playing webkinzjr. She is having a blast. We just ran across the street got a bagel from dunkin donuts. Took the bagel to the deli on the other side and she ordered a ham, sausage, egg and cheese sandwich.

We had a BBQ on Saturday with family and friends. We brought the ducks out to play in the pool outside. The kids threw off their shoes and let the ducks nip their toes. After they were good an soaked we pulled the ducks out. Honey and Bean were telling the ducks to "come to momma". Little man (2) started saying "come to momma" too. It was nothing short of adorable.

At sundown we took granddad, uncle, wife and the 4 to the beach. The local law complains about fireworks and bonfires then turns a semi blind eye on the 4th. As long as you keep it controlled. It was amazing to see fireworks going off all down the beach. Honey had a great time and could see the fireworks.

Wife brought sticks and marshmallows and toasted some for the kids. They enjoyed them....soon we will do this at the house. They love the chance to work with fire.

Sunday I made banana bread muffins with a strudel topping. Huge hit.

Today Honey heads to another neurologist to start his diagnostic cycle. We will see.

All about me

I find it interesting the reaction of people to bad news. My parents haven't been apart of my life for some time. Granted it is a mutual behavior. They haven't been a part of my oldests life either. Now there are problems they want to fly out. To be fair they haven't sought nor have we sought to have a real relationship between grands and her. I guess when time is short you realize the time you squandered. Isn't that always the case? I asked them not to visit right now. Any and all guests add stress and now isn't the time.

My sister and I don't speak (long story maybe another time). She found out my oldests (honey from now on) health issues and she personalized it as her pain. It isn't her pain. Hell it is barely mine. It is Honeys. She is the one going blind and probably dying. I am just being a normal parent who is in despair at the taking of my greatest gift and accomplishment. My lifes work began the day I became a dad.

Many people do this. I am trying to search myself. I have done it in the past but not since my grandfather passed away. Even that was morning the time I squandered with him. In retrospect he was a weak person who physically abused kids and drank too much for 50 years.

Honey has a neurology appointment on Tuesday. I will have the kids and await the information.

I will post a more positive message about the fun we had this weekend.

Blog Start

I don't know the first thing about blogging.

I know they seem to be a good place to write down thoughts and events. I have a really good life that is changing quickly. I am not sure if I will allow anyone to know about this blog. I want to be honest and open and I don't want to explain myself. I have a life of distrust of others. I fear personal relationships. The last thing I want to do it explain how I feel about something or keep my mask on. I don't like others to see me as anything but a happy, strong guy. My family sees me as I am for the most part. I don't show them everything.

Right now I have a pain in my chest and sore eyes. My little girl is sick. She is going blind. Odds are she will die. Headed to the 4th we are trying to decide whether to go to Connecticut with family or stay in town. We live in a small beach town that looks the other way on the 4th. The firewooks are amazing.

I talked with my parents today. We have an odd relationship. I don't think we are close. We love each other but are very different people.

I broke down and sobbed a couple of times today. I am trying to come to grips with this new life I am facing. Like all parents I would like to switch places. I would like to take the sick upon myself. I don't want to live through this.

She has had a 25% decrease in iq in the last 5 months. Her eyes are failing due to retinal and optic nerve scarring. I think if it is eating her eyes it is eating her head too. She goes to neurology on Tuesday.